Chang Yan Yee

Fiction Story

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Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
– Søren Kierkegaard

When the cassette tape was invented in 1962, it enabled us to express our feelings through music.

When written and spoken words failed us, songs compiled from our favourite artistes became the medium to explain our sentiments to friends, estranged families, lovers, ex-lovers, and maybe even to ourselves.

This is one such mixtape…

SIDE A
Track 1:	福气 fúqi Blessing
Artiste:	Sally Yeh
Language:	Mandarin

The lyrics of Sally Yeh played in my mind as I gazed at the falling rain outside mom’s room window.

After a storm, there’s joy, there’s pain

Are we still moved to pursue our initial dream?

My mother lost her eyesight to glaucoma five years ago. I wonder what it feels like to be told you will not be able to read your favourite magazines, watch the news, or cook again.

And now to be told you will also need to breathe through a tracheostomy tube and not be able to enjoy your favourite food again.

Is there any enjoyment still left in life?

SIDE A
Track 2:	不了情 Bùliǎoqíng Endless Love
Artiste:	Teresa Teng
Language:	Mandarin

My mother often spent time reading the newspaper from page to page, accompanied by the static broadcast of Chinese radio stations. I must confess that aside from this, I knew very little of her taste in music.

The storeroom was lined with plastic storage boxes. I unclasped the cover of the first storage box—new kitchenware bought but never used. The second box contained stainless steelware and cutlery in mint condition.

Mom is really a hoarder, I thought.

Trying to discover mom’s taste in music, I opened a few more boxes before finding one that contained some CDs with mom’s handwriting and the words 邓丽君, Teresa Teng, printed on the sleeve. I dug through the box to discover packets of VCD and DVD lens cleaners, some cassettes, and right at the bottom, a Danish butter cookie can.

The can looked like it belonged to me. My family must have packed this when I was studying overseas. I pried open the can to discover letters, cards, a cassette mixtape, and a printed poem from an E-Card.

I had printed the poem as a keepsake.

SIDE A
Track 3:	We Could Be In Love
Artistes:	Lea Salonga and Brad Kane
Language:	English

The glass shopfront of the neighbourhood record store was covered with vintage album posters. I pressed the alarm buzzer and peered into the shop between the posters before hearing a bzzz, indicating the door was unlocked.

“Hi, I have a mixtape I am trying to play but my cassette player is not working,” I said as I approached the storekeeper. “Do you know where I can get a player?”

“Oh,” the storekeeper uttered, “Yeah… that happens a lot, mechanisms…they wear out. Well… the cassette player is making a comeback now, you should be able to order one online, but if you really need to listen to the tape right now, we have a player at the back.” He motioned with his hand.

I walked to the back and found a vintage TV console with a phonograph, DVD player, and cassette player, connected to a sound amplifier with headset plugged in. After some instructions, I inserted the mixtape into the player and pressed play.

Dum duk duk dum duk duk dum… the voice of Lea Salonga floods my ears followed by Brad Kane’s.It was a mixtape from my former flame.

SIDE B
Track 4:	If I Let You Go
Artistes:	Westlife
Language:	English

“Saya letak lampin dan ubat kat meja ini, ya?” I informed the nurse at the nursing home.

“Baik, miss,” replied the nurse.

I walked into mom’s room and greeted her in Hakka,

“妈咪, 我来看你” mā mī, ngǎi lǒi kōn nyǐ

I inserted a Teresa Teng CD into a compact disc player and pressed play. As Teresa’s soulful voice filled the room, I turned the crank at the foot of mom’s bed to raise the back and knee rest. Once she was comfortable, I settled onto a chair and we both sat in companionable silence, each to our own thoughts.

My thoughts drifted to that fateful day in Australia when I checked my email and read that poem titled, “I’ll Never Forget the Love That I shared with You” by Colin McCarty.

SIDE B
Track 5:	KERINDUAN
Artiste:	Sheila Majid
Language:	Malay

“Stesen berikutnya, Pasar Seni. Stesen pertukaran ke MRT laluan Kajang dan stesen sambungan ke KTM Komuter.

“Next station, Pasar Seni. Interchange station with MRT Kajang Line and connecting station to KTM Komuter.”

The announcement broke my reverie.

The neighbourhood record store owner had recommended an old shop at Petaling Street that might have more Teresa Teng’s music selections I can get for mom.

I alighted from the train and took the stairs to the bus depot below, greeted by the smell of Rotiboy. I have memories of taking buses home with mom and late grandma at this depot. Before there was the train, the bus depot was the main transportation hub.

I crossed the lanes of the bus depot and headed to the five-foot way of the shop with the signage, Kedai Gambar Foto Cantik. Walking along the five-foot way, I headed towards the direction of Central Market with its hard to miss Wau Bulan roof at Kasturi Walk.

As I did so, I could see approaching storm clouds on the horizon. The air was balmy and humid. I picked up my pace.

Turning the corner of Jalan Hang Lekir, I spotted the iconic Green Dragon roof cover of Petaling Street adorned by red lanterns.

Making my way carefully over the uneven road pavers, I passed Weng Hoa Flower Boutique, and turned the corner into Petaling Street, welcomed by the smell of roasted chestnuts and a queue at the Kim Soya Bean stall.

Motorbikes and the occasional stray car weaved between the pedestrians. I walked past two muah chee stalls, one decidedly more modern than the other, and a cart with the inscription 四眼仔, Sze Ngan Chye. This “Four-Eyed Boy” cart was mom’s favourite roast duck stall. Whenever we visited Petaling Street, we would have it packed for dinner.

I wish mom could taste this again, I thought with a sigh.

Just then the piquant smell of asam laksa struck my nostrils. I turned to my right to find a food stall with two customers waiting for their order. In fact, it was this food stall that drew my attention to Bangunan Pak Peng behind it. The neighbourhood record store owner mentioned that Syarikat Greenland Records is in this building.

“It is hidden behind the merchandise stalls of Petaling Street, so it may not be obvious,” he said, “Just follow the music!” he told me.

Or in this case, follow my nose.

SIDE B
Track 6:	分手总要在雨天fān sáu júng yiu joih yúh tīnBreakups Are Always On Rainy Days
Artiste:	Jacky Cheung
Language:	Cantonese

Syarikat Greenland Records is situated right at the entrance of Bangunan Pak Peng.

Looking at the building, I now recall memories of walking this corridor with mom to get to Madras Lane for our fix of Yong Tau Foo and cendol. Strangely, I have no memories of the record store. Perhaps it is because I had no need to visit it in the past.

Syarikat Greenland Records is a small shop with a large collection of music from Taiwan, Hong Kong and mainland Chinese artistes. There is however, a small offering of music selections in the form of records and CDs from P. Ramlee, Saloma, Anneke Grönloh, Elton John, Bette Midler, Billy Joel and the like.

I found some baskets on the counter containing metal cases the size of old Strepsil lozenge cans. Being a banana, I could not read the Chinese characters, but I recognised the face of Teresa Teng.

“Auntie, what is inside this?” I asked the sales lady at the counter.

When she gave me a puzzled look, I repeated my question in broken Mandarin.

“Sorry, 我不太懂英语,” she replied and continued with, “USB.”

I took it to mean that it contained Teresa Teng’s songs. She read and explained to me the songs contained in each USB and I bought one for mom.

After my purchase, I decided to have lunch at Madras Lane for old times’ sake. Making my way past the Chinese wedding supply shop, bridal gown boutique, and tailoring shop, I exited the building to a mishmash of red and white plastic folding tables, the whir of the ais kacang machine, and a queue at the yong tau foo stall.

I was fortunate to find a table that was just vacated right behind the ais kacang stall. I made my order and pulled out my phone to check for messages.

As I scrolled through my messages, I noticed a pair of loafers standing next to me, between the edge of the table and floor, and looked up to see a face I haven’t laid eyes on in more than ten years.

“Hi… you still walk in the same way, eyes looking straight ahead. Like eyeing a goal.”

It is my ex; the sender of that poem and maker of that mixtape.

“Can I sit?” Without waiting for my answer, he sat down.

Just then my order arrived, and I fished for my purse.

“I’ll pay,” he said, handing some notes to the hawker.

“You still have the habit of not letting a woman pay,” I said.

“Only certain women,” he replied.

We exchanged pleasantries. I asked how he was doing.

“The last we spoke, you said you were getting married,” I recalled. “And you texted me two years later to say you were getting a divorce.”

He was silent for a while before telling me that since then, he has remarried and now has two children.

I stirred the drink on my table before shifting my gaze on him. “That’s good to hear. I always wish my exes well. Just because we are not meant to be, it doesn’t mean they don’t deserve happiness.”

We looked at each other while the heavens, threatening to pour all morning, unleashed their cacophony onto the metal roof of Madras Lane, making further conversation impossible.

SIDE B
Track 7:	福气fūkheiBlessing
Artiste:	Sally Yeh
Language:	Cantonese

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